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6 Ways Your Inner Dialog Affects You

“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”

– Lao Tzu, semi-legendary ancient Chinese Taoist philosopher

What’s the story you tell yourself? Does it make you feel good or bring you down? Are you aware of your inner dialog?

“I’m not very lucky.” “I always pick the wrong person for a relationship.” “I don’t like my body.” “I’ll always be poor.” “I’m stuck in my job.” “I made the wrong decision again.”

Or

“Things work out for me.” “I find and meet great people.” “I really love my eyes.” “I always seem to have exactly the amount of money I need when I need it.”

3 Ways Negative Inner Dialog Can Affect You

  1. Increased stress.
  2. Lower self-esteem.
  3. Higher risk for various mental disorders.

3 Ways Positive Inner Dialog Can Affect You

  1. Improved mental health.
  2. Better performance.
  3. Enhance overall well-being.

Once we get a good negative inner dialog going in our minds, we tend to want to share that with our family and friends. Then those individuals begin to tell their negative stories and/or outwardly relate to your negative story. And if you consciously watch, you’ll find that the negative discussion goes further and further in the “wrong” direction.

But, thankfully, the opposite is also true. When you tell a positive story, you’ll find that you have more positive thoughts. When sharing with others, they will typically tell their positive stories. And like a ball of snow rolling down a hill, it gets bigger picking up more bits of snow.

My Story

Most of my negative inner dialog is around money or finances. Mostly the lack of or the need for additional funds.

Many years ago, I worked for a large convenience store chain. I had a good position, a bit of a career path, and an adequate salary at that time. But I was miserable and wanted more. More of challenge. More money. Etc.

The story I told myself and frankly anyone who would listen was one of being trapped. I made the analogy of standing in a ditch that was over my head. I couldn’t find any way out. I was stuck. All I could see was a thin sliver of blue sky. I told myself this story for several years. It made me feel powerless and borderline depressed. I was not in control of my own destiny. Or So I thought.

One day, my now ex-wife, told me that the man I used to work for was now at a different company. She said that I should call him and see if they are hiring.

Contrary to my typical “stay where it’s safe” and massive fear of change, I call my old boss. He told me to come in for an interview. I had two interviews on the same day with this new company. Though I was very nervous, for the first time I had hope. That was a new feeling for me.

Three months passed and I received a phone call that I had been picked for a senior position even though I had no prior experience. I started the new career two weeks later. My life completely changed for the better. Within two years, my salary had almost doubled. My confidence level grew exponentially and I never looked back.

Maybe you’re one thought away from a big idea that could change your life. Continuing to tell the story that makes you feel bad prevents you from seeing or thinking about that big idea.

Suggestions to Help Change Your Inner Dialog

  1. If you are focused on a problem, try to pivot your thoughts to the solution.
  2. Flip a negative thought of yourself, others or a situation by searching for anything that you like or are grateful for, concerning yourself, the person or situation you are thinking about.
  3. Imagine a scenario that feels better. Use your best imagination skills. The more detail the better. Really feel the positive emotion the imaginative scenario is creating for you.
  4. Getting a good night’s sleep can help keeping negative inner thought to a minimum.
  5. Step out of your way by practicing regular meditation.
  6. Daily walks can help calm the mind by lessening the symptoms of anxiety and depression. It also boosts your mood by increasing blood flow and circulation to the brain.

My Story

  1. The Toxic Effects of Negative Self-Talk (easy read)
  2. How Our Internal Monologue Affects Our Mental Health (easy read)
  3. Your Internal Dialogue Changes Your Brain (easy read)
  4. Types of Inner Dialogues and Functions of Self-Talk: Comparisons and Implications (scientific paper)
  5. Choosing Positive Words Improves Mindset and Performance (easy read)
  6. What is Positive Self-Talk? (Incl. Examples) (easy read)