Change How You View Money by Giving it Away

Change how you view money by giving it away. When money is tight, the natural response is to hold on to every penny. But what if the key to financial peace isn’t saving more, but changing how you view money? Over time, I came to realize that seeking financial security and finding financial peace were different things. Achieving security is very hard to come by, and it can take a long time. Peace is something you can teach yourself, and you can achieve it much more quickly.

I didn’t always understand this difference. In fact, for years, I believed that financial peace could only come after financial security—until experience taught me otherwise.

If you’re wondering how to reduce financial stress, the answer might not be what you expect.

Drowning in Bills: The Weight of Financial Stress

In the early years of our marriage, my wife and I lived paycheck-to-paycheck because of our student loans and credit card debts that I brought to the marriage. Between interest payments, rent, two car payments, and taking care of my stepdaughter, there was nothing to spare. By the end of the month, I hated getting new bills in the mail as our checking account balance got lower and lower.

Because I was the one who wrote the checks, I opened all the bills. Some days, I could barely face them, holding the envelopes with a sick feeling in my stomach and an overall feeling of dread. When I did open them, I got angrier and angrier, wondering if we could have spent less on groceries or not gone to the movies or cut back on a dance class. This anger was completely misplaced, since many of the expenses were impulse purchases that I made hoping to make myself feel better.

The entire situation was eating me up with stress, and nearly every month, I eventually snapped, often taking it out on my wife. This pattern went on for nearly five years. It’s a miracle she was as patient with me as she was. But she always made me feel that we were in this together.

A Christmas Lesson in Giving

One year, around Christmas, when we started to get mail asking for year-end donations for various charities and non-profit organizations, Sarah picked up a letter from a Boston-area food pantry that does outstanding work. She had a good friend who volunteered there and who thought very highly of the people who ran it and the positive contribution they made to families in need.

Sarah said that night at dinner, “I think we should make a year-end gift.” Immediately, I launched into all the reasons why we didn’t have the money to make even a modest gift. She listened carefully, paused, and said, “They do really great work, and they help a lot of people who can’t make ends meet. People who can’t feed their children at Christmas. We should do it. It will feel good.”

So we wrote and mailed a check. And then something almost magical happened. We got a Christmas card from a relative who sent us a check as a gift, and the check was exactly the amount we had given.

The Power of Trust and Abundance

When we talked about the experience later, it reminded me of the parable in the Bible about a man who leaves on a journey and gives to his three servants various amounts of money to use in his absence. When he returns, he asks them to account for what they did with the money. Two servants invested them and made more back. The third hid his in the ground so he wouldn’t lose it. The traveler praised the two and scolded the third.

One of the lessons of this story is to use what you have for good. Another is to trust that you have been given what you need to carry out a plan. This story made me realize that hoarding resources out of fear only creates more fear. But using what you have—no matter how little—can open doors you never expected.

How Giving Can Change How You View Money

From that moment on, Sarah and I gave to causes, people, and organizations whenever we believed in what they were going to do with it. We never worried about it again. Lo and behold, our money stress grew less and less. In five years, we were saving more. In another five years, we weren’t living month-to-month anymore.

My takeaway from this experience is that there are two things you can do when you feel financial strain: first, it’s a good idea to review your expenses and make sure to cut the things you really can’t afford. Equally important is to look for something or someone you believe in and give them something.

Practical Ways to Give—Even When Money is Tight

It doesn’t have to be a lot but give something. It will remind you that you are force for good, that you have gifts to give. There are opportunities everywhere you look.

• Buy a box of Girl Scout cookies, or throw a $5 bill into the Salvation Army kettle at the supermarket
• The next time you get a request for a Go Fund Me gift that really tugs at your heart strings, donate $10 or $20. Or $100.
• If you don’t have money, give your time and effort. Serving a holiday meal at a shelter can be very rewarding. So can helping Habitat for Humanity build a house.

A Mindset Shift That Changes Everything

When I look back, I see that our financial situation didn’t improve because of some sudden windfall. It changed because we changed—our mindset, our habits, and our trust in abundance. There is something that changes in your mindset when you recognize yourself as a source of assistance and riches for someone else. Sometimes all it takes is to remember that you are already better off than a lot of people. When you recognize yourself as someone who can give—whether time, money, or kindness—you start seeing the world differently. And that shift in perspective can change everything. It will give you confidence, pleasure, and self-respect.