How to Talk About Finances with Your Spouse or Partner

One in three (34%) partnered Americans identify money as a source of conflict in their relationship.¹

Talking about finances with your spouse or partner can feel like walking through a minefield. Believe me, I’ve been there. My spouse and I come from vastly different upbringings, with opposing financial philosophies. For years, our money discussions triggered frustration, arguments, and avoidance. But eventually, we found a way to communicate without stress, and it transformed our relationship. It wasn’t easy, but the progress we’ve made shows that change is possible for anyone.

Unfortunately, our story isn’t unique. Many couples face financial conflicts that can damage relationships if left unresolved. Just take a look at these eye-opening statistics.

Studies show 45% of couples argue about money occasionally, and for 25%, it’s their top relationship challenge.²

Financial conflicts contribute to 20-40% of divorces, highlighting the serious impact on long-term relationships.³

Hidden financial secrets are common – 27% of people admit to hiding money issues, and 53% engage in behaviors classified as financial infidelity.⁴

19% of individuals aged 18-35 have ended a relationship due to financial issues.⁵

These statistics highlight how financial stress can deeply impact relationships. But behind the numbers are real struggles that many couples encounter every day. Let’s explore the most common challenges and why they can be so difficult to overcome.

Common Financial Struggles Couples Face

• Differing spending habits – Some people, overspend due to habits formed in childhood, emotional struggles, or trying to maintain a lifestyle beyond their means.
• Lack of budget planning – Budgeting for many is not fun. It feels like a type of virtual jail. It involves a healthy dose of delayed gratification. Many don’t like dealing with numbers. Maybe they have put their head in the sand as their current financial situation is too hard to accept.
• Hidden debts – When in a marriage or partnership, hiding debts will directly and negatively affect joint budget discussions. If you and you partner and spouse have agreed to share finances, then nothing can be hidden. It directly affects trust and ultimately means you can’t come up with a financial plan that will work.

Financial disagreements can cause deep emotional rifts which can lead to highly charged arguments. Unfortunately, these specific arguments may bleed over into other areas. For example, physical and emotional intimacy, trust, respect, etc. As detailed in the statistics above, breakups and divorce may be the ultimate result.

Benefits of Open Financial Communication

• Builds Trust – When couples communicate openly about finances, they eliminate secrecy, which helps build trust and creates a stronger foundation for their relationship.
• Reduces Conflict – Open discussions about spending, saving, and budgeting can prevent misunderstandings and reduce the likelihood of financial arguments.
• Working Towards a Shared Goal Helps Create Intimacy – Setting joint financial goals, like saving for a vacation or a dream home, fosters a sense of teamwork and emotional closeness.
• Financial Stability Reduces Anxiety and Builds Faith in the Future – Understanding your financial standing reduces anxiety and builds long-term optimism.
• Promotes Accountability – When both partners know what’s happening with finances, it’s easier to stay on track and hold each other accountable without blame or resentment.
• Improves Decision-Making – Two heads are better than one! Open discussions allow couples to combine their knowledge and perspectives to make better financial decisions.
• Prepares Couples for Unexpected Events – Whether it’s a job loss, medical emergency, or a major expense, couples who communicate are more likely to face challenges as a team.
• Encourages Personal Growth – Talking about finances can lead to learning opportunities, helping both partners develop better money managing skills.
• Enhances Long-Term Planning – Couples can discuss retirement goals, investments, and big future plans, making it easier to plan for major milestones together.
• Fosters Emotional Security – Knowing that your partner is on the same financial page helps you feel secure, even during difficult times.

Understanding the benefits of open financial communication is important. But knowing how to start those conversations is the key to making progress. Here are practical tips you can use to take the first step toward financial harmony.

Practical Tips for Talking About Finances

1. Start Small: Begin with a casual conversation. Pick a low-pressure and relaxing setting.
2. Set a Regular Money Talk Date: Consistency helps to normalize the discussion. I recommend once a month.
3. Use “I” Statements: Reduce defensiveness by focusing on feelings rather than accusations.
4. Share Financial Goals: Dream together about big-picture goals (e.g., buying a home, early retirement, purchasing a care, etc.). My wife and love dreaming together. It’s inspiring and fun.
5. Be Honest About Debt and Income: Build transparency. Remember this helps to build trust and reduce conflict.
6. Create a Joint Budget: Work as a team to allocate resources.
7. Respect Individual Spending Choices: Give room for personal discretion. Allowing some personal spending freedom reduces tension, if it doesn’t break agreed-upon goals. This was a big lesson for me personally.
8. Discuss Financial Roles: Decide who will handle specific tasks like bill payments or investments. In my relationship, I handle all the major bill paying but we have split out some household expenses that my wife manages. The important part is that we agreed to each other’s roles.
9. Learn Together: Read books, attend workshops, or listen to financial podcasts together. This might not be for every couple so be creative. Maybe one partner can read the book or take the course and then share the main points to the other partner.
10. Seek Professional Help: Consult a financial advisor or couples’ counselor if needed.

As I mentioned earlier, my wife and I didn’t start off easily on this subject. We have worked on making changes in stages. We began by having calm conversations about finances. Next, my wife took on managing some household expense. A change that worked well for us.

Don’t get me wrong, this is ongoing, and we have found that it takes a bit more work than other areas of our life. I’m quite happy with our progress. From where we started until now, it makes me feel that anyone can follow in our footsteps and have a similar experience.

All the tips for talking about finances with your partner will help your relationship to stay out of the negative statistics. I believe finances is probably the most important topic for couples outside of physical and emotional intimacy. The key to success is starting small. Small steps build momentum and create sustainable, lasting change.

¹Money Fights: One in three (34%) partnered Americans identify money as a source of conflict in their relationship

 ²Top 6 Marriage-Killing Money Issues

³What Percent of Marriages End in Divorce Because of Money?

 ⁴Financial Infidelity

 ⁵The Cost of Loving: New research finds that financial pressures are causing a huge strain on relationships